The two needles of Q and Q watch were moving like the march of ant which have neither desire to reach the destiny nor choice to stop. Seema realized that the day had crept away with no changes in her life. She unwontedly admitted that Pritam wouldn’t return at any cost.
Seema, sway away her curls from her forehead and closed her eyes. At the age of 22, Seema was still beautiful as when she was married at 18 with few lines conquered beneath her eyes representing the struggle to survive. Before few months, she used to have few girlish desires as any other women of 22 have. When she gave birth to her first child as a girl seven months before, she thought she was never happy. She felt the real pleasure of enjoying her womanhood; the proud ness of being a woman and a mother at the same time.
Pritam and Seema were married four years ago with the fact that they would learn to love each other. As the consequence of their marriage, they were happy to share the bond and were attached to each other immediately. Despite of variation in their lifestyles, choices of music, foods and moods, they learnt to respect each other. Truly, they supported each other in every reasons, points and aspects of life.
Pritam, worked as a teacher in a neighborhood college of their town which was far away from the capital, earned satisfactorily to survive his mother and his family. Seema as a house wife never disappointed her mother-in-law instead she considered herself to be luck enough to have an elderly support. Seema as the only child of her educated parents brought wisdom and knowledge in Pritam’s house. She believed in simplicity, determination and had assured herself that she would be further studying as Pritam encouraged her to take a job.
In presence of load shedding in Kathmandu Valley, thousands and thousands of candles burnt their soul to lighten the atmosphere. Seema thought what if she burnt like a candle.
Alas! If she could….then she thought of ‘Priya!’ her only child; her gift to Pritam. She then badly missed Priya, who was living with her grandparents. Seema closed her empty eyes with no liquors inside.
The day when Pritam had called from Kathmandu to give good news of his new job, she was so excited that she nearly cried. That day only she organized everything and packed clothes of her mother-in-law, hers and Priya’s. It had been decided that Pritam was coming back to accompany them to the capital, the city of dreams. Seema thought their life was going to change for better and how much Pritam means for her.
Seema in dismay was waiting for Pritam to back home who was supposed to come early in the morning. When the telephone rang she thought that she couldn’t speak……..she heard her mother-in-law murmuring in a faint voice…..she heard somebody mentioned about accident……and Pritam’s death!!!!!!!!
When she woke up it was already four days since that telephone was received. At first she couldn’t think about anything………. Rampantly she was asking too herself “How could that happened?”
Her loving husband ‘Pritam’ died in a bus accident, it was her husband only who died in that accident. Seema thought she would die or cut into pieces. She thought no point to live…..for few days she forgot about ‘Priya’. After few days of rituals, she wondered about her presence but as each day passes by the more she thought about Priya.
Having such turmoil in her life, when she looked at the mirror for the first time after two months she hardly recognized herself. She was as grey as a ghost with sunken eyes and hollow cheeks. The more she tried to forget about her husband’s absence, the more her white attire tortured her.
When she decided to live again for herself and Priya her mother-in-law was confused. Inspite of many objections Seema started to dress as before. The things she missed were ‘Sindhur’ and ‘Pote’ which were tribute to Pritam.
After Pritam’s death she turned herself as cold as a rock. She felt bad when her mother-in-law accused her being depraved just because she had wanted to live again. Despite of her parents many requests to stay with them she decided to live alone but left Priya for sometimes untill she settles. Seema felt remorseful for Pritam’s mother when she was thrown away from the will for the reason that Pritam’s child was not a boy. Seema decided to fight for her right which was either her fortitude or the greed to secure Priya’s future for which she was given of theone third of property.
With the support from her parents she applied for job at Capital and took up her studies again. Far away from her daughter, Seema always thought about possible ways to bring Priya to live with her. She felt the urge to embrace, care and kiss her innocent daughter.
When people ogle her in her colorful dresses, she breathes heavily inside that burns her soul. And when girls at her age mistaken for her freedom she reflects a matured smile. She has a freedom to live alone which was definitely not her choice. And when her well-wishers ask her to get married again, she felt a stab in her stomach, left with no words and she badly misses Pritam.
Being single and reviving her puzzled life with shattered dreams were not what she had wanted in her life but it was a fact that each day she was living with for Priya and herself.
Being Single…
Lost in sea of grief
Searching for that tranquility,
Which would never exist…
With the solitude soul
With no choice left to claim
Empty eyes and blur past
Guided to led life again
Being single…
This story is dedicated to many known and unknown women like Seema……….for their struggle to live alone.
Deepti